corporate apology

a tremendous sign over at funkypancake has reminded me of the perfect corporate endline we once wrote.

I was working in the states at the time. It was the sad end of the dotcom boom and every pitch we did seemed to be for some terrible service company. It was all telecoms or technology or something. People with rubbish helpdesks. People who'd built an enormous global corporation before they'd become actually good at anything. And it occured to us that they should simply pre-apologise for everything. Since their relationships with customers were inevitably going to be based on let-down and failure, the simplest thing would be to get it out of the way upfront, and try and get on the same side as the customer. Thus we thought of 'we're just as disappointed as you are'. It's perfect. You can just see it:

'BT: We're just as disappointed as you are'

or

'NTL: We're just as disappointed as you are'

It'd work wouldn't it? You just wouldn't bother complaining, becuase you'd know what response you'd get. And you'd somehow feel like they were on your side. It's you and the global corporation against some other. It wasn't their fault, it was fate or something. Because that's the only satisfaction you get with a helpdesk. The only way they can make you happy is if they take your side against 'the system'. This way the whole company does a corporate shrug and roll of the eyes upfront.

I wish we'd presented it to someone. Just as a laugh. But we never had the guts.

Comments

[funkypancake]

that's just inspired ! i shall be smiling for a week thinking about that.

perhaps you should use it as your blog strap line.

[FP's cousin Mike]

"Blog strap line".

I've just learned something new. Is this that kind of mark you get on your shoulder / waistband after wearing something that's either heavy or too tight?